I have always dreamed about becoming a mom. I always imagined how joyous the pregnancy and the arrival of my first baby would be. I imagined that I would be so happy and excited during the pregnancy. I also imagined that I would bond even more with my significant other when we went to the doctor for the ultrasounds together.
I never imagined having to deal with many aspects of the pregnancy alone and unsure of what the new regulation is going to be.
I have struggled with depression and anxiety since I was a child, which caused me to be very aware of my mental health during my pregnancy.
When COVID-19 restrictions went into effect, I struggled with my mental health a lot. COVID-19 made me start falling into a deep depression because I was at home all the time and was not able to do what I wanted to do during the pregnancy.
I could not do a big baby reveal to the family because I would risk exposure. My boyfriend’s family was in Indiana, and traveling there was not safe or allowed. I had to wait until after I was 28 weeks pregnant to tell my family in Florida because I really wanted to tell them in person!
Along with traveling restrictions, there were also doctor office restrictions. The one that affected me the most was not being able to bring someone else with me to an appointment.
I have gone to every single appointment alone. My boyfriend has not had the chance to hear the heartbeat live or seen an ultrasound live. He has not even met my doctor!
I did get lucky that at the second ultrasound, the technician did a couple of recordings of the baby moving and let me record those and send them to my boyfriend and family. Every time I thought about the experiences that my boyfriend is missing out on, I almost fell into a deeper depression.
Then there were restrictions on shopping and anything else “non-essential”.
First, stores were completely closed, so you had to shop online. And if you bought something online, there were restrictions on returning things. So, as I got a bigger belly I just had to wear larger shirts until I could figure out what size I may or may not fit into (I was not going to waste money on clothes that didn’t fit – money was tight!).
I just wanted to walk around baby stores and shops to see what I did and did not want for my baby. As a first-time mom, I did not even know what I did and did not need. I wanted to talk to store employees and get their recommendations and advice.
I tried to lift my spirits by making a registry online and following the checklist, but I am still not sure what I really do and do not need.
Everything was online – shopping, classes, etc. I really wanted to go to prenatal yoga classes, prenatal fitness classes, and birthing classes. Again, restrictions were in place for the classes.
They were all online until the Governor allowed non-essential businesses to open back up. I lost a lot of motivation to do anything if it was online. I really wanted the socialization aspect of an in-person class and motivation. I really wanted to meet and talk to other moms. It is extremely hard to connect with someone through a screen.
Another hard part about being pregnant during COVID-19 is thinking about what it will be like in the hospital and after my baby gets here.
I know that currently, I can only have one other person with me in the labor room. I also know that they try to send you home as quickly as possible. This makes me worry that I will be rushed and will be sent home very unprepared.
COVID-19 has really increased my anxiety levels and has made my depression hard to manage at times. Being pregnant heightens your emotions and let me say, it has been an interesting roller coaster.
There are so many times that I wish I was not pregnant with my first child during COVID-19.
I feel like I have not gotten to experience the pregnancy as I should and it has not been as joyous as I had dreamed of.
I have been blessed and lucky that even during COVID-19 my pregnancy has not been too difficult. I still have been able to enjoy my pregnancy even with some of the restrictions. COVID-19 will not stop or restrict my excitement to meet my son!
About the Author
Candice Carson
I am a first-time boy mom! I am also an animal mom to a cat, two dogs, and two horses! I enjoy helping others through my own experiences. Author photo courtesy of Tamara Watson.