The average American family has gone from 2.5 children to 1.9 since the 1970s. Why?
I never really wanted kids. I know; it sounds horrible saying it out loud. I didn’t see myself settling down. I loved to travel too much. I was a free spirit. I didn’t see how children would fit into my lifestyle.
Once I married My husband in 2013 we had a crazy first year. I graduated from college in December of 2013; in February we moved from our home towns, eight hours away to run a guided horseback camp.
Again, kids just didn’t fit into the pick up and go lifestyle we had.
After two years at the ranch, we threw around the idea of kids one day but I just explained to him, “I’m too selfish. There are still things in life I want for myself and not ready to give those up for a child.”
Once we felt like our time was coming to an end at the horse ranch we moved to Indiana to be closer to family. The outside pressure from family was definitely there to have kids, but I would just smile and shake my head with a “one day” response.
When we finally got to a place where we were ready to accept we might want kids after all, I made up my mind I wanted just one.
My husband on the other hand wanted a small football team. So then the debate began internally, and the comments “you can’t just have one” became an outside pressure weighing on our hearts. We weren’t sure if we would make the right decision for our soon expanding family.
As U.S. birth rates steadily fall, economists and social science researchers are starting to worry. For the American population to stay strong with a robust workforce and social stability—there is an ideal line fertility rate of 2.1, which is what researchers call the “replacement” fertility rate. In other words, it is 62 live births to every 1,000 women, and in 2017 that fell to 59 and fell even more in 2018. So why are fewer babies being born?
For starters, women feel they have more choices thanks to the access for affordable both control. Another big factor is women feel they have more career opportunities than ever before and these have led to the unplanned teen pregnancy and unintended pregnancy rate to drop.
In today’s century, more and more women are voicing what used to be a taboo topic to talk about and that is postpartum depression.
In 2018, the New York Times polled women of the childbearing age to find out why they are having fewer children. They found out that some of the major factors like the high cost of childcare, economic uncertainty, and self-awareness about the emotional and mental impact of being a mom have played a role in why many women are choosing to only have one child.
Being a mother is undoubtedly one of the toughest jobs in the world. Trying to juggle a career, multiple extracurricular activities, lack of resources from your bank account, and lack of job flexibility don’t make it any easier.
On top of the mental aspect, you have the struggle to get pregnant altogether. Many women are waiting until later in life to try and conceive or have a medical reason for postponing pregnancy.
More and more women are turning to IVF or medical interventions to help get pregnant. I personally struggled for years trying to conceive naturally. With months of failed pregnancy tests and broken hearts.
The dreaded question, “When are you all going to have a baby?” never stopped. And I always responded, “one day” with a smile. But I walked away fighting back tears because no one knows the battle I have been fighting for the last three years. The countless doctor appointments. The endless amounts of blood work.
The medical reasons are our justification for being one and done.
I fought too hard to get our gift from God and I feel like I tempted fate by doing that. Once we finally conceived, fear lived in me. I was considered high-risk. We didn’t know if I’d carry to full term without a miscarriage. We had extra tests because he was a fertility baby.
So once our bundle of joy arrived and all was right in the world, I told myself that if God blesses us with another one naturally then it was what we needed, and if not, we are one-and-done and I’m okay with that.
So a woman might slow down on the family expansion out of the fear of the effects of having to use medical intervention to get pregnant.
I no longer let outside judgment pressure me to think I’m doing something wrong or doing an injustice to my son by not providing him with a sibling.
We are happy with our choice and have made the decision to provide both ourselves and our son with the best life possible. We give him every opportunity in life to succeed and be a well-rounded individual despite all the misconceptions of being an only child.
Our closest friends and family members know our stance and know our reasoning behind our decision and have respected us so much more after sharing the journey we took to get our son.
I have actually found that opening up about our infertility struggle has also opened up opportunities to lend a shoulder to lean on to other infertility warriors in their journey to let them know they aren’t alone. Even though their hope is low I can encourage them to not give up. It can happen because medicine today is more advanced and continues to have breakthroughs.
About the Author
Cidney Kelley
I’m a daughter, sister, wife, aunt, business owner, but my greatest joy is being a mom. I have a two-year-old little boy who keeps us busy. We are getting into the fun stage of independency so my sanity is tested daily. He is my reminder that life may not be ideal but it is perfect. We needed him the most and I am so thankful for the life lessons I have learned since becoming a mom.